So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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