we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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