I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
