Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
