3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
