I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
