were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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