I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
