Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize