I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
