Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
