so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
then he tried to convert me to islam
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
