I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
We smell like vodka and hangover
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