There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
