At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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