All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
