Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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