Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
