my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
