As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
