Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
