I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
