Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
