I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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