first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
