he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
