have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
