Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My bed smells like the plague
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