I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
