Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Never underestimate the power of titties
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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