3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
