my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
