I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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