this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
