watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
