i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
