i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
