You really coming over, don't trick.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize