someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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