I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
