O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
