i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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