Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Shitshow foam night was such a success
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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