i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
