hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize