There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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