you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
