I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
