i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
