I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
