it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize