let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
