In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
