Christians are straight up FREAKS
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
