Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
