if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
