I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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