I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Church boner. Awkwardddd
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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