Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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