I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
