Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize