People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we made out on top of his cat.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
