Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
