Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
