you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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