I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
