why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
