I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i think i have two assholes
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
