I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
