i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
