ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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