Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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