dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
