I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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