So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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