I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Welp...herpes.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
