Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Dick very happy bro
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
