I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize