this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
