I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
