Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
