he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
