i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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