The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize