I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
