i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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